"As thorn and flower upon a single branch sit, so hate beside my love for her will fit. Two pieces of one thing, that make a whole. As you and I, my love, a single soul."
— Clive Barker
"
I dreamed I spoke in another’s language,
I dreamed I lived in another’s skin,
I dreamed I was my own beloved,
I dreamed I was a tiger’s kin.
I dreamed that Eden lived inside me,
and when I breathed a garden came,
I dreamed I knew of all Creation,
I dreamed I knew the Creator’s name.
I dreamed-and this dream was the finest-
That all I dreamed was real and true,
And we would live in joy forever,
You in me, and me in you.
— Abarat: Days of Magic, Nights of War, Clive Barker
Meantime, Givers. This band rules.
This song has been playing through my head. Absolutely wonderful.
"
I dreamed a limitless book,
A book unbound,
Its leaves scattered in fantastic abundance.
On every line there was a new horizon drawn,
New heavens supposed;
New states, new souls.
One of those souls,
Dozing through some imagined afternoon,
Dreamed these words.
And needing a hand to set them down,
Made mine.
— Clive Barker in the opening pages of Abarat. Read it if you ever get the chance. Borrow it from me. Seriously.
"Reporter: What do you think of Western Civilization?
Mahatma Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea."
Mahatma Gandhi: I think it would be a good idea."
I know that I’m created for love; I’m a passionate and caring individual, of that I am sure. But right at this moment I’m filled with a lot of bitterness, resentment, hate, and disgust. I don’t really like it very much. I want to be filled with positive things. More love and happiness and optimism. Less looking backward and more looking forward. I want to climb my way out of this hole and conquer what I’ve been given.
Your prayers would be lovely, if you can spare some time in your thoughts for me. Thank you in advance.
I am broken, angry, and scared.
I understand that this is a lengthy article, but I encourage all of you to read it. In World Lit, my English class, we recently read a book called “Nectar in a Sieve.” It was about the life of a woman in India, and the things her and her family had to go through every day. After finishing the book, our teacher had us read this article. After reading this, I felt like I could cry a million tears for each young woman who had to experience this in their life time. It really hit me hard, because the girls being married were younger than me. Their husbands were also twice their age, or in some cases, even more than that. My heart hurts for these children and young women. Someday, I’d love to travel to India. I’d love to do anything I can do to help these people in need.
We learned about this is in my Anthropology class! India is my freaking calling! Let’s go together, girl. We can change the world.
Running.
And on the worst days
When it feels like life weighs ten thousand tonnes
I sleep with my passport
One eye on the back door
So I can always run
I can get up, shower and in half an hour I’d be gone
And come morning
I am disappeared
Just an imprint
On the bed sheets-I Am Disappeared, Frank Turner
Sometimes, I just want to run. Not like go for a run (those who know me know my aversion to both the outdoors and physical activity), and not running away from problems or fears or doubts or anything like that. Just running to run. Leaving to leave, flying to fly. I envy those who live their lives on the road, seemingly connected to nothing, able to see the world and follow their dreams and live.
I often wonder what it would be like to pack a bag and just GO. Where would I go? Who would I meet? What would I do? I dream of the adventures I have and the freedom I could enjoy by doing what I want. I get so excited when I think about it! I could go to New York, or Florida and go to Disney. I could go to California or Philadelphia or Boston. I could go anywhere, really. And do anything.
For someone who claims to crave so much stability, I think there’s actually this really large part of me that LOVES the idea of doing something radical and crazy and being rebellious. Right now I want change and wild, crazy adventure.
I think the summer of 2014, I’m going to do just that. Pack a bag, leave a note: I’ll be home soon.
Maybe I’ll come back.
